Sunday, April 28, 2013

Separate Lives 2

To Ate Sue, after a hundred years *smiles*… I planned on making it longer but then you’ll have to wait another hundred years, torn between time and length, I decided on sacrificing its length.  I hope it delivers still, much love, mwah!

She stalked out of the room, leaving you by yourself.

She’s gone, you succeeded in pushing her away.

Now the place that used to cradle you with warmth became a room so vast and filled with icy loneliness, you felt yourself shudder unintentionally. 


You saw her the moment she walked in, but even if you didn’t, you’d still know because your heart started its flip-flapping ways, just like always whenever she’s near.  You wanted to approach her at that very moment but you know you can’t, she was surrounded by friends, her compatriots, and you very well know that you are now considered an enemy.  A frown formed, instinctively.

You waited.

And then finally, she was alone.

“Hye Jung.”

You heard your own voice, it was calm.  To bystanders, it looked like you were just acknowledging an acquaintance, a colleague, but a trained and knowing eye could see the throbbing of your pulse.


And then, she walked away… without a word, without a glimpse.

You stared, a myriad of emotions floating on your gaunt face.

Until it was just pain, pure and complete.

Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

You swirled the amber liquid that your glass holds as you hunkered in a bar somewhere in the posh district of Apgujeong, hoping to drink yourself to oblivion.

‘But I told them that I would never give you up, come heaven or hell.  That we are in this together, that nothing and no one can separate us.  But I guess, I was wrong, there was you, you did the job, magnificently.’

A recurring thought, no, a recurring memory.  You decided, it’s a nightmare, a frequent and periodic one.

You were the asshole who initiated the break-up, you were the one who destroyed the relationship, you were the one who let go, so you should be the one moving on first, that’s how it should be.

But here you are wallowing in your self-made hell hole.

“You either get her back or you get on with your life without her.”

You looked up to see Jaejoong, one of your industry best friends. 

“It’s been what, three months…” he continued when you gave no inclination that you understand what he just said, “and you’re still here drinking your sorrows away, like a forlorn lover.”

You didn’t take the bait.

“Shall I drink with you until we are so out of ourselves, we won’t even know who we are, then we can vomit our intestines out and suffer hangover together, and if we are lucky, we can even experience some body-hauling from your security, at least I prefer that than crawling home,” he sneered.

“Leave,” your monosyllabic response.

“You can’t just waste away Hyun Joong.”

“Watch me.”

He let out a guttural laugh and snapped “I know you can mother fucker, but I am asking you not to, you can’t just rot in here and blame it on your being heartbroken.  Hwangbo-sshi shouldn’t carry the weight of your ruin.”

He waited… for his words to sink in.

“Fuck me!”

“I could but it wouldn’t change a thing, would it?”

You clamped your jaws so tightly a vein pulsated in your cheek as you bit back your wrath. 

He watched as realization and acceptance finally dawned on you, he showed no remorse or pity, instead he heaved a sigh of relief, it has come to an end, YOU are now ready to truly let go.

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Separate lives

Your shoulders began to shake and you caught yourself weep.