Loving Me (Scenario Number Six - A)

Because I am in pain (toothache, not heartache) and I consume a thousand mg. of pain relievers every eight hours, and because I am alert and hyper one minute and drowsy and sleepy the next, I give you this.



The phone rang, you picked it up and heard his voice, you didn't say a word.

You don't have to say anything, he doesn't need to speak, because you already knew what the call was all about, you've been through this a hundred of times, you can even give a seminar or a short course on how to handle stuff like this.

But, you are not a hypocrite... it still stings, it still hurts and even your broken heart can still break. You wonder, to how many pieces a heart can break into.

You listen at his melancholic voice, you listen as he trudge on the familiar river and stagger in the waves, you listen as he told you that he can't make it today, just like the long forgotten todays of the past. You try hard to listen as he spewed more words of apologies for weaseling out of your date, for the nth time, you stop keeping tabs eons ago. You tried hard, but you just have to try harder to listen, as he strewn promises of making up and doing something better, when he is able to, when he is free, when he finally finds the time to spend with you.

You used to boast of your ability to listen and your endowment to understand, but this winding and unending pattern of canceled dates, mute regrets and apologies, and unfulfilled promises is beginning to take its toll. Your age-old composure is beginning to show some cracks, the veil of your patience is thinning by the minute and the fine line between love and hate is on the verge of extinction.

You feel pathetic, but, as you are you, you continue to listen. You're loosing grip, but, as you are you, you're holding on as if it is life itself. You feel like drowning, but, as you are you, you're fighting to be afloat.

You feel like giving up, but... you continue to listen...

'I am stronger than this, I am HwangBo Hye Jung!' you said to yourself, trying to seize the ongoing battle in your mind, in your heart, in your soul.

"I understand, later then," you acquiesced, you have finally found your voice.

He said the three-word-phrase that used to brighten your day as an end to his phone monologue, and deplorable as it may sound, you fervently hope that it still has the same effect.

But, even your brightness seems to suffer depletion and at the moment, only one of its ray has the remaining light.

You put the phone back to its cradle and let out a sigh.


You stay in the same position for a few minutes more, you look like a soldier who just loose a battle and you feel just like one. The only physical effort that you had done in the few minutes that you're on the phone with him was lifting up the receiver and holding it to your ear but the inner turmoil was just too much, it drained you... it actually devoured your being.

You swing your legs up and lean on the couch, you're using all the energy that you have left to regain what you just lose a few minutes ago. You close your eyes and scour your mind, in an effort to find that exactly; and then it dawned on you, in the two years that you've been together, you have lost yourself, your own identity, and it will take more than a few hours or a few days to get it back but you have to act now before you completely forgets who you are.

You have to salvage what was left of you... and repossess yourself entirely.

You scan your flat, looking for nothing in particular; you're a little bewilder because of what you had discovered and a little overwhelm on what you had just decided.

And there's this lingering question - when?

Is it when you concede to the kid and you let your emotions rule you when you agree to this relationship?

Is it when he first stood you up because of a sudden event? Or is it the second? The third?

Is it when you first forgave him for not doing what he promise you? Or is it the fifth? Or the last one?

Is it when you listen to all his caprices and whims - giving up events, not taking on new shows, putting your career in the shelf to focus on him, wearing what he wants, doing what he approves of?

Is it when you decided to be a homebody and wait for his presence or his call and messages?

Is it when you give him your all?

And now... you have none.


Eighteen hours ago, you turned thirty, an hour ago, you realized that you haven't been you for more than a year now, a few minutes ago, you found out that you didn't just loose yourself but you completely let yourself go.

Today is your birthday but instead of celebrating, you were faced with a rude awakening.

Today is your birthday and you are thirty years old.



From the author: It's the blogger not the blog who broke your heart last night. It's the blogger not the dream who deserted you. Sing with me :) (ang di kumanta - kj!)

Hwangbo Is...

To the one woman who uplift and inspires women all over the globe, she unknowingly draws us in and made us fall in love with her. Irregardless of race, language, position, wealth - she enlightens, she awakens... she helps us to dream big and work hard for it, she kindle in us the love of God and kins, she shows us how fulfilling it is to give and share to the needy. In a whole, she made most of us a little better as individuals, well, I would love to think that *grins*.

So, in an effort to define her, we decided on giving our own personal thoughts, collectively, this is what she is to Joongbo Philippines.

Hwangbo is the epitome of an "almost" perfect woman. - Sue

Hwangbo is a real woman who has courage, even when she's down she always has a smile on her face. - Belle

Hwangbo is a woman of substance; she's compassionate and cool to be with. - Fang

Hwangbo is the ray of sunshine that hits droplets of rain, with her around everything becomes a rainbow. - Pam

Hwangbo is the embodiment of every woman... She is perfectly imperfect. - Nadene

Hwangbo is - a goddess! - Shuchen

Hwangbo is - spectacularly beautiful inside and out. - Mayzie

Hwangbo is - definitely my IDOL; she is one of a kind and she's a very beautiful person inside and out. - Idz


Note: This is a failed attempt to post a collection of thoughts from JBPH, but as I don't wanna put the efforts of those who decided to partake in this project into naught, here it is. Let's just say that this is a semi-collection, of sorts, hahaha.

Your Charm

Of course, this is for Hwangbo... but this is also for Ate Sue, because she tends to see the good rather than the bad, my exact opposite but I love her more because of that.



Your pretend husband from two years ago (okay, okay, it's Kim Hyun Joong, as if there's a point in anonymity anyways *smirk*), once said that you changed him at the right time and that he strongly felt that you are someone sent by God. He could mean it or it could just be an attempt to have a smooth exit in the reality show, which is which, only he knows, but just for today, let's pretend that I am an optimist like my manager, so I, therefore, reckon that he wouldn't use the name of our Lord in vain so what he said must be what he really felt at that time. Issue settled.
(Note: Well, his part of the cake isn't decorated as well as the others because I just watched a past video of him and I don't like what I heard and saw, you can call me petty, as if I would care but then I prefer vengeful, it has more angst and it sounded a lot more mature, and in my age I wanna be or, at least, I wanna look mature even if it's just wishful thinking *cue: the witch's laughter*.)

Shin Ae ra, the other half of your favorite Compassion couple, once said that you are a lovely kid and you have a beautiful heart. In your 100th day episode in We Got Married, she visited as you choose the perfect wedding gown and she proudly told your ex-pretend husband that she saw you in the streets of Bangladesh hugging and kissing the children telling them that they are all pretty and that was just one of the many charity works that you've done and continuously doing.

Junjin or Park Choong Jae, your best friend for the longest time, once mentioned in an episode of Xman, I think in your Of Course bout, that you're the kind of friend who will come running to his side with just one phone call and that you'll fight for him and with him whatever is the cause. Also, when he guested in Golden Fisheries ages ago, he narrated that you are the only female celebrity who is willing to hang out with him even if it may cause some scandal and for that he is truly thankful.

Another boy band (in Korea, the right term is idol, right) leader, Jung Yunho, once said that you are his ideal girl, I picked that up in an Of Course battle between you two in Xman and then years after that in his various interviews, he said that he wants a girl who is filial and loving to her parents, someone who helps the needy like him, someone who can cook and sees the littlest details like a dirt on his face or on his shirt, someone who looks fierce but is super sweet and loving and the fan girl in me completely believes that he's talking about you. I see you in what he describes, I just connect it that way, teehee.

I am sure that there are more information, interviews, videos, etc., that I can gather and write about, but as I haven't slept for 40hours straight, I just don't have the sense and the mindset to do some research, I just worked on what's stored in my semi-working brain. If you have points to add, just tell me and I'll edit it out as soon as I can, okay?

Now, for my own personal perspective - I don't know HwangBo Hye Jung personally, so I can't vouch for anything about her. I just have this idea of an amazing woman based on what I have read, heard and watched, heck, I don't even understand a single word in Hangul so I mainly and completely rely on subs, and I admit that oftentimes, thoughts are lost in translations, so, it's even possible that I am not getting the whole drift of an interview or situation. Those that I have mentioned earlier were words from her friends and colleagues, and as all of them are from the entertainment industry, the probability of those utterances as half-lies are not slim, and yes, I am being ruthlessly frank here. But you know what, though those facts (or false) that I know may come and haunt me later and give me much pain and sorrows, I am not really affected coz you see, I already found her charm and those add-ons on her character are just that - toppings to an already scrumptious dessert.

For me, her real and greatest charm is her power to inspire. She inspires women and men to be better on what they do, on what they want, on what they dream. She inspires us... she inspires me. I see her as such, I may not live on her country, I may not speak her language, I may not be able to do what she can but all of those doesn't matter because she helps me reach a notch higher just by thinking that someday I can, at least, be half of what she is.

Yes, that is your charm...



* manager - Ate Sue

Picture of You

This is me joining Nads' August cause, and because it is a month-long celebration, you can expect more posts related to the woman we all love. Should I start humming the birthday song?


Lying on my bed
In the stillness of the night
Dreaming of a face
Only you could have

Of brows so perfect
Of lips so full
Of eyes which could mesmerize even a fool

I want to touch you
But I'm scared you may fade away
I wish I could feel you
But I'm afraid you won't stay


You're a sight to behold
Without a name, without a word
A picture of tenderness
Existing in my world

I wonder who you are
I wonder where you're from
Could you be an angel sent to me by the Lord

One day I hope to meet you
Full and complete
By then you won't be a picture
I see only in my dreams


EDIT: Nads sent this to me, this is the syndicated version as mentioned by an anonymous visitor and you can see it in her blog. Nads definitely made it prettier, cheers!



Note: The bandwagon is big, there's still an ample space for more people, care to join us?