Separate Lives 2

To Ate Sue, after a hundred years *smiles*… I planned on making it longer but then you’ll have to wait another hundred years, torn between time and length, I decided on sacrificing its length.  I hope it delivers still, much love, mwah!

She stalked out of the room, leaving you by yourself.

She’s gone, you succeeded in pushing her away.

Now the place that used to cradle you with warmth became a room so vast and filled with icy loneliness, you felt yourself shudder unintentionally. 

**********

You saw her the moment she walked in, but even if you didn’t, you’d still know because your heart started its flip-flapping ways, just like always whenever she’s near.  You wanted to approach her at that very moment but you know you can’t, she was surrounded by friends, her compatriots, and you very well know that you are now considered an enemy.  A frown formed, instinctively.

You waited.

And then finally, she was alone.

“Hye Jung.”

You heard your own voice, it was calm.  To bystanders, it looked like you were just acknowledging an acquaintance, a colleague, but a trained and knowing eye could see the throbbing of your pulse.

Silence.

And then, she walked away… without a word, without a glimpse.

You stared, a myriad of emotions floating on your gaunt face.

Until it was just pain, pure and complete.

Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

You swirled the amber liquid that your glass holds as you hunkered in a bar somewhere in the posh district of Apgujeong, hoping to drink yourself to oblivion.

‘But I told them that I would never give you up, come heaven or hell.  That we are in this together, that nothing and no one can separate us.  But I guess, I was wrong, there was you, you did the job, magnificently.’

A recurring thought, no, a recurring memory.  You decided, it’s a nightmare, a frequent and periodic one.

You were the asshole who initiated the break-up, you were the one who destroyed the relationship, you were the one who let go, so you should be the one moving on first, that’s how it should be.

But here you are wallowing in your self-made hell hole.

“You either get her back or you get on with your life without her.”

You looked up to see Jaejoong, one of your industry best friends. 

“It’s been what, three months…” he continued when you gave no inclination that you understand what he just said, “and you’re still here drinking your sorrows away, like a forlorn lover.”

You didn’t take the bait.

“Shall I drink with you until we are so out of ourselves, we won’t even know who we are, then we can vomit our intestines out and suffer hangover together, and if we are lucky, we can even experience some body-hauling from your security, at least I prefer that than crawling home,” he sneered.

“Leave,” your monosyllabic response.

“You can’t just waste away Hyun Joong.”

“Watch me.”

He let out a guttural laugh and snapped “I know you can mother fucker, but I am asking you not to, you can’t just rot in here and blame it on your being heartbroken.  Hwangbo-sshi shouldn’t carry the weight of your ruin.”

He waited… for his words to sink in.

“Fuck me!”

“I could but it wouldn’t change a thing, would it?”

You clamped your jaws so tightly a vein pulsated in your cheek as you bit back your wrath. 

He watched as realization and acceptance finally dawned on you, he showed no remorse or pity, instead he heaved a sigh of relief, it has come to an end, YOU are now ready to truly let go.

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Separate lives

Your shoulders began to shake and you caught yourself weep.

The Waiting Game

Dearest Papercrane,

                I tried writing SCR 7, I swear I did, but I’m too tired, and aging a bit *grins*, to do it, I think, I also lack the inspiration, alam mo naman na wala na ko masyado balita sa mundong kinababaliwan ko dati, working sucks, payo ko sa’yo wag ka magtrabaho pag-graduate mo, tambay-tambay lang, hahaha :P

                Your birthday just passed, you’re graduating soon and I was late the last time we met, so I thought, I really owe you an efef, but then, I also celebrated my birthday (ilang ulit na simula ng magkakilala tayo), you almost always came late everytime we met and there was even a time or was it two that you didn’t even bother to show yourself after agreeing to a meetup, so yeah, my afterthought, ‘I don’t owe you a thing,’ quits lang tayo, hahaha…

Dearest Lloydie,

                I’ll go straight to the point, I envy you!  You are a corporate slave, albeit with a ginormous salary *grins*, and you can still write on a whim, how can you do that?  Teach me, I wanna write on a whim too :D

                In your case, I concede.  You just celebrated your birthday, you were sorta, kinda promoted at work and I was, admittedly, late the last time we met; you wrote me a birthday fic, I never came earlier than you do eversince we decided we wanna see each other’s faces, except for that one time, I think we met Marie, Papercrane’s cousin that time, so I kinda really have to give you something in return, ano ba yan, wala akong kawala sa’yo, kaloka ka, be late next time, okay!

Seryoso na, happy birthday you guys, siningit-singit ko ang pagsulat nito habang pinapagawa ako ng executive summary, wish ko lang di nahaluan ng Joongbo ang accomplishment report na nai-submit namin sa DILG, hahaha!  Love u both!

Dearest Ate Sue,

                Wag mo isiping nakalimutan ko na ang continuation ng Separate Lives, meron promise, di pa lang natatapos, a little bit more patience manager-nim. Love you!

**********

2008

Kim Hyun Joong was working his butt off in Japan, sometime during their 6-months stint as pretend husband and wife in MBC’s We Got Married, when he found out that Hwangbo Hye Jung’s natal day was August 16.  That along with other information about her he enthusiastically researched in the internet.  He sent her a text message, greeting her, extending his heartfelt wish.  He admits that it was wrapped in awkwardness but it was his first and he, of course, expected a bit of leniency. 

He made a glorious riposte, as everyone in Ssangchu Land know, he even swore that she fell in love a little at that time, he felt it as per his words.  A serenade scented by peaches and regaled by the moon and the stars -

I don’t know you but I want you all the more for that,

Words fall through me and always fool me and I can’t react

And who would forget, the promise of a thousand paper cranes.

2009

Several months had passed after they both bid reality TV goodbye, he became the star that she wanted him to be, a drama actor, a Hallyu celebrity.  They parted ways as friends, not that he wanted nothing more, he had made his intentions known, but she was adamant, they started as a fake couple and they ought to end as such, an opinion he didn’t share but he complied nonetheless.

She celebrated her 29^th birthday with a fan event, a thank you present to her avid supporters.  He, on the other hand, celebrated it on his own, he was in Hong Kong at that time.  They spent a good two hours on the phone that night, talking and laughing about nothing in particular.

‘Saengil chukaha-yo!’

‘Kumao.’       

                                                                                                                                                                      

‘Saranghae-yo…’

‘Pabo.’

Click.

 They were physically apart but it didn’t felt that way.

2010

Her 30^th was celebrated in the midst of friends and loved ones; he was there, of course.

“I love the watch, it’s very pretty.  Thank you.”

“You deserve all things beautiful. You are very much welcome.”

Sigh.

“What’s with the *sigh*? It’s your birthday…”

“It’s half past one, my birthday is officially over…”

“We’re being technical eh, humor me then.”

“I’m thirty…”

A minute of silence.

“And?”

“My parents told me that they wish for a grandchild, and soon,”

“Your oppa’s getting married in a few months and by the looks of it, they’ve already started the 

process of making that wish come true. “

“Tsk, you and your runabout thoughts, uhm, hormones…”

“I can help you know… but does it have to be in nine months-time or we can like practice a bit?”

“Ah, molla!”

A couple of wishes could have come true, her parents’ and his, if she had only conceded and accepted his help.

2011

His career skyrocketed after We Got Married, offers abound, projects are aplenty, but 2011 was his busiest.  During that year, the barest of necessities seemed like a luxury, he scarcely had the chance to eat or sleep on time. It was exhausting, don’t get him wrong, he love his music, he loves performing, he, even, appreciates all the attention and the limelight but it gets tiring and lonely.

Spending time with her hidden from the watchful eye of fans during his normal days was such a chore but it turned much worse that year.  Taking time off work to hang-out, eat out or just plain see her for a while turned to be an indulgence he so craved for but he was allowed to do so rarely.

They celebrated her birthday a week late, in the wee hours of the night, at her apartment’s balcony.  They watched the stars come to life and falter in the morn as they talked about each other’s life and career, places and people they want to visit and meet, stuff they long to buy, dreams they still wish to fulfill, and every other thing that crossed their minds.

“You’re off to Japan, again, in a day, right?”

“Yup!”

“Be gone then, you need to visit your parents and drink, at least, a few bottles of soju with your best buds before you go.”

“That I must do.”

“Right, so quickly give me my present… and wish me a boyfriend, and go.”

He gave her a set of jewelry he had carefully chosen at Mont Blanc.

“I wish you’d keep me.”

She just smiled, a smile that warmed his heart up to his very toes. 

2012

The year of the London Olympics, the much-awaited year of Ssangchu-fanatics, the year that Park Choong Jae, aka Junjin, came back from the military, the year that he was reduced to just another male best friend.  He understood that the latter was the first and original best friend, that he was a mere second, a filler at worst, but man, it sucked, jealousy was such a bummer.

Her 32^nd birthday was spent partying with Junjin, they were born on the same year and just three days apart, and some other friends, while he was away overseas, as usual. 

His birthday gift – a week-long trip to Guam , with an extra bonus – himself.

“Thank you, but don’t you think, this is a bit too much?”

“Why are you here then?”

“I don’t wanna offend you,” she teased, “besides, who in their right mind would decline such an 

offer, and in my case, it wasn’t an ordinary proposition, it’s a birthday gift, my birthday gift.”

“Then what exactly are we discussing here?”

“Why are you such a grouch?”

“I am not…”

“Yes, you are!”

And it went on and on until the sun shined its hottest and they were forced to leave – the beach and their childish banter.

Their last night was spent playing games and drinking beer, laughing and poking fun at each other, just making the most out of their little rendezvous.

“Hyun Joong…”

“Hmm…”

“If by the time I’m thirty-five and I still haven’t found the man that I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, I want either you or Choong Jae to just… give me a child.”

 Zzzzzzzzz…

He stared, slack-jawed.

2013

Ever since she made that drunk and not-so-decent proposal almost a year ago, he had been on his tippy-toes. 

“She’s turning thirty-three in two weeks, and then there’s two more.”

“I beg your pardon sir.”

“Huh?” he looked at the bartender like he just found out he was standing there.  “Oh, don’t mind me, I 

just have this strange habit of talking to myself,” he smirked.

Waiting is such a pain in the ass.

He was, fortunately, in Korea, the day she turned thirty-three, a small and private affair was prepared by her family, a surprise birthday gift.  Food and booze abound and because everyone who were there knew each other well, no one seemed to care how much they had eaten or how much they had to drink, it was merry-making at its highest, a night without a care.

August 17, Saturday, she was woken by the stream of sunlight that escaped the window curtains, it was her room, she was certain.  But her bed felt different like there was an extra weight on her side, she also felt differently, like something had changed.  She took a deep breath and felt a wave of nausea, “Ah, morning afters.”

She opened her eyes and was startled to see two large, striking eyes smiling up at her, yes his eyes were smiling at her, like he finally won an acting award.  She opened her mouth to say something but was distracted by his sudden movement, her nerves must have took the day off for she didn’t felt quite a thing before that or she was just plain dumb to have not realized that she, Hwangbo Hye Jung, and he, Kim Hyun Joong was lying side by side in one bed, sharing a comforter that covered only half of their bodies and they were both splendidly unclothed.

“Kim Hyun Joong,” she roared.

But he just silenced her with a kiss, a kiss that turned into kisses that trailed down her whole body and heated up her whole being.

Several hours later, when both were sated from making love and pleased in discovering each other’s form, he teasingly declared, “Why wait for thirty-five when we can begin at thirty-three.”

Why do tomorrow what you can do today?  Aja, Kim Hyun Joong!

Separate Lives

Para kay Susan Bal, huli man daw at magaling, nahahabol pa rin, I hope it's true, BELATED BLESSED BIRTHDAY! 

Thank u sa gifts, super appreciated :) Love you!

“Hye Jung…”

Your name, a name you hear so often, it seems like it doesn’t bear any weight anymore, but tonight, the sound of that name brings back all the burden that you so wanted to forget.

**********

Yours was a story made out of a fairytale book, not the conventional sort though, the one that many are accustomed to, yours was a bit different, a bit extraordinary.

You met at a time when both cannot afford any complication in life, when both were just fighting to stay afloat career-wise.  In a way, you met unexpectedly.  No plans, no expectations, it just happened, you met, you fell in love, the both of you were once happy… together.

It wasn’t easy, it was one hell of a roller coaster ride, the pride of Everland, the roller coaster that you once rode with him, couldn’t compare to what your relationship had gone through.  You experienced the best and the worst with him, together you defied fate, friends, loved ones, each other.

You two almost made it, that’s what you believed anyway… until, he decided that it was time to put an end in your love story.

He just finished dinner, a feast that you prepared with love, after all, it was the first time he was home, the first time he was with you, after a month of being separated, because he need to work, because he need to iron out some things with his parents.

But you weren’t primed to what he was about to say, if you knew, if you only knew, you would have used all your power to delay – the inevitable. You were blinded by then… you were madly in love.

“Buin,” he started.

You had always love the way he spoke that endearment, it was like a balm to your weary soul, your very own magic word, but the way he said it at that time seemed so somnolent, like he was trying to control his own feelings, like he was fighting his own inner battle, like he was hiding something.  Yes, that hitch in his voice gave it all away.

“I don’t know how to say this, I really don’t.  I’m not even sure if I wanted to but I know I had to, I’ve been raking my brains out these past few days, or is it weeks, hell, I am not even certain about that.”

“Shillang,” you tried to give him back his focus.

“Fuck, I hate myself! I hate being a good son, no, I hate myself for being a spineless dolt! I’m blabbering and I hate that too!  I pray that in time you’ll learn to forgive me, I pray that in the shortest possible time, you’ll learn to forget," he paused, sighed and went on, "me and what I am about to do."

You just looked on, waiting for the catchphrase, waiting for that one devastating line.

One deep breath, "let's end this, we need to end this."

You opened your mouth as if to say something, closed it, opened it, closed it again, all the while staring at him, at a loss.

"My parents," 

"I know," you cut in, "they told me."

He didn't say a word, prompting you to continue.

"But I told them that I would never give you up, come heaven or hell.  That we are in this together, that nothing, no one, can separate us.  But I guess, I was wrong, there was you, you did the job, magnificently," she ended.

It was his turn to stare... and more, he felt empty.

**********

"Hye Jung..."

You've dreaded coming to Jung Ryeo Won's birthday, a former member of Chakra like you, but as she is a dear friend, you've decided to take your chances.  And because you're such a lucky girl, your worst fear came to life... he was even talking to you.

You steel yourself, from the onslaught of emotion, from the recurring pain. You feel nothing, that's what you wish to believe and it will happen, not just yet, but someday.  Someday, you'll be okay.

You took a deep breath and walked away.  

And then it played...

You have no right to ask me how I feel 
You have no right to speak to me so kind 
We can't go on just holding on to time 
Now that we're living separate lives

Note:  Ate Sue, may continuation ito promise :) Wait lang konti...

Once and Always

Para sa chinggus, mahal ko kayo! Sa mga nag-birthday na, belated gift ko sa inyo, sa mga magbi-birthday pa lang, advance gift naman, hahaha... Sana magustuhan nyo :)  Noimee, singit ka na din dito ha :P


Somewhere in one of those exclusive and affluent district in Seoul, a certain Hallyu star was having his much-needed me time, which he could use to sleep, one of his favorite pastime, or he could drink with his best buds, something he wasn't able to do for a while now, but nope, he decided to mope in his bed and think of the past, a past he so wanted to relive and turn around.

He was a struggling idol leader back then, yes their group have quite a number of doting fans but it wasn't enough to make them afloat in the business.  Their company set them out to try their luck in the Land of the Rising Sun, they got noticed alright but not in that immeasurable way that their company hoped for, and they even suffered a fallout in their own home.  To save his group, he reluctantly entered the world of Korean variety shows, he became a husband, er, a make-believe husband to Hwangbo Hye Jung.  Yes, the drop-dead gorgeous, kind-hearted, ideal woman of all idol-kind, only because mankind would be a bit extreme.  He wouldn't claim to have fallen in love at first sight because he simply didn't, his fall was a progression, a continuity of some sort, something he didn't plan nor expect, he didn't even noticed it until he was already off the cliff.  He's not complaining or anything because truth be told, being given the chance to love her is his greatest happiness, second to none, even to his music.

It was an exhilarating and satisfying ride with her, from We Got Married-induced lovey-dovey moments to real life intimacy, it was perfect... up until the fool that he is, uhm, was, because he firmly believes that he's all mature now, made a fatal mistake.  The green-eyed monster struck him when he chanced upon a text message from Bi, he used to call him Bi-hyung but after that incident, let's just say he wasn't able to get over the fact that he was the cause of his pains *crying bullets*, if he were to tell the whole truth, it was just an ordinary birthday message and dinner invitation from a friend but because he was a jealous freak, he made a hell hole for himself, wait, just look at her, come on, who wouldn't be jealous?  So, he flew to Hongkong with Yong Saeng and created a scandal that would ruin his life forever, nothing really happened though, he wanted to, yes he did, you know to let off some steam and a bit of his body heat, but he couldn't, he was, after all, deeply in love with another woman.  But there was no turning back, he had to reap what he sow, he was bound to suffer the consequences of his temporary insanity - he broke her heart on the eve of her 29th birthday, tsk!

And now, four years later, he's still hang up with what ifs and could haves.

Kim Hyun Joong heaved a sigh.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the four, or so, corners of MBC, a meeting that may turn his life around was taking place.

"We need to do something, the higher ups already issued an ultimatum," the PD griped.

"We're going to have Taecyeon and Wu Ying Jie soon, they're idols and both popular so I'm sure our ratings will pick up by then," one creative consultant spurred.

"If we aren't sacked yet by then," a bespectacled writer chimed in.

"What are you suggesting then," the creative consultant asked.

The writer shrugged, "beats me!"

"I know! We give the audience what they want, something that they had been asking for" the PD beamed.

The staff and crew of We Got Married looked at each other knowingly, did some eyebrow wriggling and scrambled off to do what they had to do.

Two weeks later...

After a grueling push-and-pull with their managers...

And after an arduous inner battle, Hwangbo Hye Jung and Kim Hyun Joong finally decided on appearing in the show - a We Got Married Special Edition, a reunion of the first season's finest, the Ssangchu Couple reunited.

It was awkward, meeting again after a number of years and greeting each other like they were just colleagues, like they don't have any connection deeper than that of Korean entertainment industry.  In all honesty, it actually stings.

But to hell with that, she was there and they were standing in the same stage, breathing the same air and pretending to be civil, friends even... it was enough!  Heck, he felt like Christmas came several months earlier and Santa sent him the grandest gift of all.

There was the customary introduction and greetings, a blast from the past video clips, reminiscing and story-telling, discussions and interviews.  It was maladroit-ish but he enjoyed every minute of it, and he claims he's all mature now, HA!

"Hyun Joong-sshi," Lee Hwi Jae called his attention, "do you miss Hwangbo-sshi?"

"Of course," his quick reply, "working with her is such a privilege, I mean she is the one and only Hwangbo Hye Jung, and I became his husband, I bet, ani, I know that a lot of men envied me, and some may still do," he grinned.

"Then, persuading you to come back to We Got Married as her make-believe husband will be easy," Hwi Jae commented.

"No! I am quite positive that our stint as a fake married couple in 2008 will be our first and last."

"But you just said," Hwi Jae began.

But Kim Hyun Joong didn't allow him to finish, "Our time together was, IS, magical, with and without the camera rolling, it will never be matched and can never be duplicated.  OURS is a once in a lifetime experience but it is for keeps.  We met and fell in love once and it will be for always."

The world was at a standstill.

Until she smiled and beckoned him. "Once and always."