Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What's In a Name? (Part 3 - A)

Finally, an update. Don't you just detest my laziness *grins*? Actually, this time, I have an excuse, been sick, was confined for two days, because I am a friggin' glutton *lol*, most of my cyber friends know (read: if you don't know, it just means one thing, we're not, hahaha, kidding!) that I am allergic to certain kinds of seafoods but none the worst than squid and they also know how stubborn and hard-headed I am, eating and sampling a few once in a while. I get out unscathed most of the time, because I am always equipped with the right meds and allergy-busters, but some times I do get punish for all my wrong deeds *grins*, and so I did, but I am fine now, ready to write you a decent enough efef and have a taste of calamari again *tongue out*.

She went out of the restaurant and left, willing herself never to look back, determined to build a life without him.

She sighed, 'Freedom is bittersweet.'

She was welcomed home by the incessant ringing of the phone which she didn't bother to pick up, every ounce of energy she has had been sucked out of her, now all she wanted was to lie down and rest. 'Another failed attempt on an anniversary celebration, third on my list, all with the same man. Oh, why is my future so bleak?' Even her thoughts made her weary.

Her mind and heart had took on a grueling task and was just begging for some repose
but the respite that she so desired, was also the respite that she couldn't have, just like Kim Hyun Joong, the only man that she dreamt of spending forever with, the same man who didn't gave her forever a chance.

She was lying in bed prompting herself to win over the ceiling in a staring contest, a battle of will, when she heard the silent creak of an opening door, "Darn, I forgot to change the code again." For every time she seek refuge at her place after a fight, the drat man that she so love was able to sweet talked her to a reconciliation, all because he knew the code to her security lock. She was that easy, she was hopelessly in love.

She rigidly wait, pretending slumber, torn between her will to face reality, to let him go completely, and her wish for a fairy tale ending.

She felt his weight beside her, so she braced herself for an onslaught of tender words, words of repentance, words of endless promises, but she felt like eternity had passed before she heard him whispered, "Hye Jung-ah."

And her heart sung of love all over again, her mere name coming from his lips was enough to thaw the ice that she had been coating her heart with. 'Oh God, give me the strength to resist, please force my heart to understand that I can't live like this, not for long...'

"Hye Jung-ah please... I know that you're awake, I had watched you sleep for a dozen times, for every time I made you wait, for every time I made it home late, for every time I woke up scared that you're not beside me anymore, for every time you fell asleep after we made love, the tranquility in your face, in your form, I know all about it; I'm sorry but your light and constrained breathing gave you away. Let's talk," he pleaded.

She steeled herself from his beseeching voice, willing herself to stay still.

He waited... for a response, a nod, a twitch, any sign that she's listening, that she still care. But he was awarded with none, "I know that you're angry, I know that you're hurt, I know that you've given me a second, third, fourth, fifth, hell, my hundredth chance and I know that I screwed them all up, I know that I am not the best boyfriend, I won't even compare to a regular one" he smirked, contempt on oneself. "Bloody hell, I even know that you can find a man hundred times better than me, someone who will always be at your beck and call, but what do I do, I love you too much to just let you go. I love you too much to..."

"Marry me then," she cut him off, a challenge and a plea.

He was flabbergasted, he didn't expected that, not from her, if it was her way of shutting him up, she succeeded big time.

He looked funny with his mouth ajar, his hand suspended in mid-air, his body immobile, he looked like somebody stunned him. She would have laugh, if she wasn't feeling aggrieve, if she wasn't dying of a broken heart.

Minutes had passed, but it seems like a lifetime to both, "No?", she choked, using all her mental prowess to bind her brewing emotions, to settle the score.

"Hye Jung-ah, you know that I want to, it's been our plan all along... but... it's not yet the time, I am not ready, my career's just taking off, my fans..."

"Arasso," she said, stopping his litany of excuses, "I understand."

"Hye Jung-ah," he called in the tiniest of voice, scared of what was to come, of her verdict.

"Then, we both know what to do," her answer, her voice firm, her face free of emotions.


"I want something that you cannot give," she continued, blocking his words, unwilling to give him time to think of a rebuttal, of another way out, she was scared, because more often than not, her mind looses to her heart, and her heart doesn't belong to her anymore, he had ruled over it eversince they got together. "And I am tired of being the adult in this relationship, I am tired of being patient, of giving in, of waiting, of hoping... I want a break, I badly needed a break -"

"A break, a space, I'll give it to you, whatever you want, I'll wait in the sidelines, I'll wait until you're okay, I'll wait patiently, until you're able to call me, until you say my name."

"I wanna start anew."

"We will start anew, I will be better and we will -"

"I want out Hyun Joong, I want out," she whispered, drained.

He staggered under the power of her words, 'she wants out, after years of trudging the high waters with me, after years of being together, she wants out, like it doesn't matter, like it's that easy.' He stared at her, his hand balled into fist, pain written all over his face. "I know it hasn't been easy," he begun, "but we... you and I, we belong together, we are meant to -" but he was cut off.

"We are meant to part ways, we are destined to live our lives separately, can't you see, we had tried for three years, but look at us now, we still weren't able to make it," agony laced her voice but her words were firm, she was determined.

"Hye Jung-ah, listen to me..."

But she already made up her mind, his unwillingness to make her a priority just sealed it. "I'm exhausted, you know you're way out," was her reply, an end, to their conversation, to the discussion, to what they had.

She burrowed deeper in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and turned to her side, away from him.

He just looked on, rendered speechless, his heart broken, his fire to live doused off.

Ang chapter 3 - B susulatin pa lang, kung ako sa inyo di na ko aasa, hahaha...

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Luckless is Loving the Lucky

Dear all,

This song has been on constant replay on my music player since three days ago, I don't know why, I'm just sooo in love with it :D

I know that this song has been out for the longest time already, but just humor me and listen, owkie.

Much love,
ME :)

Don't you think a Lucky-inspired romance story will be nice? Yes? Now we just need to find an efef writer who is willing to write us one. Hmm, who should we bother... lloydie? the bruha? or bubuyog?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?


They started as entertainment colleagues who played husband and wife in a reality show. They started as an awkward tandem, who didn't even know how to make a conversation, how to do a show.

Then they became this make-believe couple in the eyes of the public, a make-believe couple who were slowly learning about each other, trying to hold on to the littlest of things to make their relationship, or whatever, work and prosper.

One may credit it to their hard work or to their natural ability to be charming, them being husband and wife was such a hit, even they themselves were torn whether it was still for the show or if it was for real.

The secret looks, the silent stares, the timid smile, those teeny weeny details started it all - they bridged the gap between reality and make-believe... without them knowing. The thing is, it wouldn't have mattered even if they did.

Emotional barriers, personal restrictions, inferiorities, they had thought through that; internal battles, fights in the fore front, those were in their midst; and still they let each other fell. Tried as they might from saving each other, in the end, both fell in love... deeply.

Theirs didn't had a name, they knew that they both love each other, even with all the buts and the ifs, but it wasn't something official, they just felt it with their hearts, and that was enough. Enough to have made them glow, enough to have made them giddy, enough to have made them fly.

It was a private affair, an industry secret, their stint as a married couple is such a success because they weren't acting, they were playing their role for real. Their chemistry on-screen was strong enough to pull in everyone, but the friction and electricity off-screen was way up the grid, television sets would have exploded if their sweet moments were caught on cam.

The playhouse ended, but the characters remain.

Full schedules, rising careers, mobs of fans, breaking traditions, that's what they had gone through, months of not seeing each other, of not hearing any news, but they were able to pull through. For them, no distance, no distractions, no words were needed, because their hearts, what they had, it filled all gaps. What they had was pure, and that had been their leverage against the world.

And then, one snowy day, on the 20th month, they decided on taking the plunge, on putting a name, on being official.

They had the easiest of conversations, the simplest of dreams; they shared the hottest of kisses, the grandest of life; it was the greatest of love.

It was almost a happy ever after... sadly, they did not come out of a fairy tale.

The will to keep on fighting vanished, the urge to prove people wrong ceased, the conviction to make it to the end was lost and the belief that they are meant to be together forgotten.

What was left were snippets of the past, of what could have been...

And then, it was surrender!

"Not everyone who fall in love are meant to be together."

Sunday, June 19, 2011

What's in A Name? (Part 2 - B)


His effort fell short.

The time he reached the restaurant, she was gone, long gone.

The night when they were supposed to celebrate their third anniversary, turned out to be the night that he broke another promise, the night he broke her heart yet again. The good man that he was, told him to just let her go... to a better place, to a better man; but the man that he is, the selfish and unfair man that he had become decided on holding on, on chasing after her, on promising anew.

And he did, erase that, he tried.

She had gotten wiser after dealing with him, with their relationship for the past three years, because the minute he spewed lengthy and flowery promises, she begun to make a demand of her own. A demand he can readily give now but he was stupid then, he made the wrong choice, he said the wrong words, he messed up. He thought it was a demand so unreasonable, she wasn't serious; he thought he can work his way out and about it, without her taking a notice; he thought it was just one of those demands that a girlfriend would make to have her petty revenge; he thought it was just a means to shake him, to ponder on his mistakes and do better.

But he thought wrong, it was an ultimatum.

It was a part of a tactical game that he didn't realized they were playing, it was one of those crucial moves and he miscalculated, and so he lose. And just like those cliche love stories, theirs ended, with the lead girl leaving her arse of a boyfriend behind, because he lacked the mental capacity to understand her and physiological ability to be in a relationship.

She turned her back and walked away, leaving him heartbroken... empty.

"The usual," he told the bartender.

He is a regular at the club, he usually comes with friends, but that night, those who belong in the entertainment world like him were busy working on their schedules, while those who work with regular jobs weren't thrilled with the idea of getting drunk on a weekday. 'It doesn't matter though, it's not like I still recognize them when I'm wasted,' he smirked inwardly.

He came straight from a photo shoot, he was tired as hell, but he needed his daily dose of liquor to lull him to sleep; if he don't, he'll just end up lying in bed restless, thinking about and missing her.

The bartender smiled and passed him his drink, "Where's the rest?" he inquired.

"Oh, some are busy, most are just sissy," he grinned at his own reply.

"Hye Jung-ah!"

The grin was wiped off his face, he was frozen on his seat.

But in that instant, he felt his heart beating, pumping blood through his veins, his heart heard her name and it functioned back to life.

The past couple of months, he has been living like the walking sculpture that he was dubbed as, without guilt, without pain, without hope, he didn't know when exactly he became numb to it all but all that was left of him was emptiness; he felt restlessness once in a while, when he's sober enough to actually feel a sense of loss, of missing her, but more than that, he was just a shell of what Kim Hyun Joong used to be.

She took it all away with her.

"Hye Jung-ah," the woman who was seated a few seats away from him called, again, while waving her hands up.

He looked at her, an unfamiliar face but he still followed her line of vision, albeit slowly, hoping against hope, that it was the same Hye Jung that he long to see, the one woman his heart beats for.

But he was bound to be disappointed, the lady sashaying her way closer to them was no way near the person she shared a name with. 'I should file a patent on her name, a label only she can have,' he thought, sighing.

His frustration prompt him to drink more than he planned to, "Hye Jung-ah," he breathed. The name brought a smile on his face.

"Hye Jung-ah," he whispered, a little louder, more audible.

"Hye Jung-ah," he huffed, it was loud enough for the few people beside him to hear.

"Hye Jung-ah," he called.

The woman who was lucky enough to be born with her name, came closer and seductively asked, "You call?"

He lifted a fraction of his head to look at her, he drowsily inquired, "Hyeee Juuung-aaah?"

"Yes," she replied, her excitement evident.

"Hye Jung-ah," he smiled, her name a sweet ambrosia to his alcohol bittered-mouth. He stood up, draped an arm around the girl's waist and walked out through the backdoor where his car and driver was waiting.

And that was what started it all, his playing with fire, his playing with her namesakes.

The first wasn't intentional, he even blamed it on alcohol; the second, partly was, he blamed it on being sober enough to had missed her to madness; the third, he wasn't entirely sure anymore; the fourth, fifth, sixth, up to his recent conquest, he had forgotten how to care.

He lost the conscience to give a damn, he forego the need to find a justification on what he was doing. Because every once in a while, he wants to feel his heartbeat, every once in a while, he wants to feel alive... and only she can make him feel that.

For every time he hears her name, his heart comes to life; for every time he says her name, he is awaken from a long and lifeless sleep; and for every time someone answers to his call, it feels like everything has fallen to its proper place, it feels like everything is finally okay. Only her name can give him the pleasure and the privilege of being whole. Only her.

He isn't proud of what he had become, but it was a means to survival. Humans were created with the instinct to survive, and he's just one.

He was actually doing good.

Until he heard the news.

*** Part 1 is here, Part 2 - A is here, in case you missed it :)

*** Chocolates, chocolates, chocolates... hahaha! You want part 3, it's in my folder, I'll post it after I receive my chocolates and caramels, weeee! CHOZ LANG!