"Hwangbuin, whenever things are hard, remember the hard times on Mt. Halla, after the hard times, there will be laughter, too. I hope you'll always remember that, be happy!"
"Shillang, thank you and sorry..."
Their last words to and for each other, they hugged awkwardly and went their own ways. That was the last time that they had been honest with each other, she was a coward, she can't speak about his reasons but hers was of pure cowardice, but now, now she have to face up, "This time, I really have to let you go, you have given me no choice," she sighed. "Annyeoung, Kim Hyun Joong-sshi, till we meet again."
She came, decided that she will send him away with a smile so that he wouldn't be burdened by her heavy heart but she can't help it, her tears won't stop.
**********
They did their part as a married couple in a reality show, the last filming was done, their work was finished and their relationship, in whatever name or intensity it should be labeled, reached its end. They both knew that something is up, that they are somewhat different from who they were when the program started, from the amateurish pair who barely looks and talk with each other in Jeju Island for their so-called honeymoon, to the almost Bonnie and Clyde-inseparable duo that they had become at the mid of their stay in the reality show, to the heartbroken but pretending not to be husband and wife when they finally said their goodbyes.
They both knew that they had something going on, something powerful and completely undeniable but both decided not to deal, both decided to go their separate ways fuzzy and unclear.
She had her reasons, petty ones but still valid enough, she's six years older, he's an idol and he has the whole world waiting in front of him, she cannot and will not take that opportunity away. She has always been selfless, it, oftentimes, sucks and it, sometimes, hurts but she is made that way.
He loves her, there was no question about it, not even a hint of indecisiveness, but he can't, he can't just go and propose his everlasting love without the promise of a future, he needed a little time to be worthy of her.
They both knew that they had something going on, something powerful and completely undeniable but both decided not to deal, both decided to go their separate ways fuzzy and unclear.
She had her reasons, petty ones but still valid enough, she's six years older, he's an idol and he has the whole world waiting in front of him, she cannot and will not take that opportunity away. She has always been selfless, it, oftentimes, sucks and it, sometimes, hurts but she is made that way.
He loves her, there was no question about it, not even a hint of indecisiveness, but he can't, he can't just go and propose his everlasting love without the promise of a future, he needed a little time to be worthy of her.
**********
Several months after they parted ways as a not-so-genuine couple and after a few random and accidental meet-ups along the way, they were given the chance to see each other again, it was right after he finished filming Boys Over Flowers. He was supposed to go home right after his last scene but he heard her name on his way to the filming location, he and his manager were picking up some fan letters at the front desk when her manager called in her reservation. He can't just leave, he should at least treat her to dinner or say hello, he can't let the opportunity to be with her on their special place pass him by however short it'll be.
She was gracious enough to dine with him, he tried to have a barbecue dinner set up in the hotel's side lawn but as the staff needed more time to prepare and time was one thing they obviously don't have, they had to settle in the hotel's restaurant. It was nice, the food was just so-so but to the both of them, it was like ambrosia to the gods and goddesses, it's like the happiness of being in each others company made everything around them a hundredfold better. They talked like the awkward team that they used to be but as minutes turned to hours, time was reverted back, they were the ssangchu couple once again, laughing, throwing in jokes, talking about the mundane, flowing with love for each other.
She was elated, after months of living like they were just simple K-entertainment colleagues with all the bump-ins and casual hellos, there they were acting like nothing had change. And there she was hoping, deep in heart, that something will change.
He was beyond happy to see her, he was ecstatic in the truest sense of the word, eating with her by his side, having conversations, subtly trying to compel her to stay away from the pile of suitors he knew she have, basking in the glory that she still looks at him with those warm eyes, only people who matter in her life can elicit that warmth and he can still do, so he still matters.
The time had come and they bid their goodbyes, still unclear on what they really are, are they friends, simple acquaintance, two person who happened to do work together, or are they way more than that. She didn't dare to ask, she doesn't even know what answer she wants to hear because she, by herself, doesn't know what kind of relationship they should have. He, on the other had, knew what he wants, he had known ever since they had their wedding photoshoot but he's not ready yet, his future was still bleak and he needs a concrete one to offer her.
She was gracious enough to dine with him, he tried to have a barbecue dinner set up in the hotel's side lawn but as the staff needed more time to prepare and time was one thing they obviously don't have, they had to settle in the hotel's restaurant. It was nice, the food was just so-so but to the both of them, it was like ambrosia to the gods and goddesses, it's like the happiness of being in each others company made everything around them a hundredfold better. They talked like the awkward team that they used to be but as minutes turned to hours, time was reverted back, they were the ssangchu couple once again, laughing, throwing in jokes, talking about the mundane, flowing with love for each other.
She was elated, after months of living like they were just simple K-entertainment colleagues with all the bump-ins and casual hellos, there they were acting like nothing had change. And there she was hoping, deep in heart, that something will change.
He was beyond happy to see her, he was ecstatic in the truest sense of the word, eating with her by his side, having conversations, subtly trying to compel her to stay away from the pile of suitors he knew she have, basking in the glory that she still looks at him with those warm eyes, only people who matter in her life can elicit that warmth and he can still do, so he still matters.
The time had come and they bid their goodbyes, still unclear on what they really are, are they friends, simple acquaintance, two person who happened to do work together, or are they way more than that. She didn't dare to ask, she doesn't even know what answer she wants to hear because she, by herself, doesn't know what kind of relationship they should have. He, on the other had, knew what he wants, he had known ever since they had their wedding photoshoot but he's not ready yet, his future was still bleak and he needs a concrete one to offer her.
*********
Hearing each others whereabouts through their common friends, exchanging a few messages of regards and how are yous, having a glimpse of each other on their respective TV shows and guestings, that's how they both live for almost a year. The only thing he was able to do when she released her digital album and topped one of UK's online music site was to sent her a bouquet of flowers to congratulate her, and even that was done by his coordinator after he begged her to. They were both so busy, keeping in contact was next to impossible, he can't hardly breathe and he's sure that she was on the same boat as evident by her thinning body. But his faith in Santa Claus paid off, his Christmas wish was granted when they chanced upon each other in Hong Kong.
She was roaming the streets of Hong Kong when he spotted her, cozily bundled up in her layers of thick clothes without a hint of make-up at all, she didn't look like the celebrity that she is, no chaperon, no bodyguards, she was walking alone and nonchalantly, looking at random people and stuff, as if she was just a normal city girl out on a night to shop and unwind. He approached her, hidden on his black hood and cap, and he was almost incapacitated, good thing he found his voice and was able to call her buin, it was the magic word.
He waved his original company away and hanged-out with her instead, they meandered around Hong Kong concerned not about scandals or rumors or the side looks and secret stares some people were throwing their way; they were engrossed at and with each other, trying to make up for the loss time, trying to live by the moment.
Both knew what was needed to be done but neither of the two made the move. She already know what she wanted but she's just too chicken to step forward, while he, who's been so sure since the beginning, was aiming for the sky and he won't settle for anything less. What they didn't know is that, they were already given three chances to make it real, to live their love, to fulfill their dreams. Will it take a hundred before they can take the plunge?
She was roaming the streets of Hong Kong when he spotted her, cozily bundled up in her layers of thick clothes without a hint of make-up at all, she didn't look like the celebrity that she is, no chaperon, no bodyguards, she was walking alone and nonchalantly, looking at random people and stuff, as if she was just a normal city girl out on a night to shop and unwind. He approached her, hidden on his black hood and cap, and he was almost incapacitated, good thing he found his voice and was able to call her buin, it was the magic word.
He waved his original company away and hanged-out with her instead, they meandered around Hong Kong concerned not about scandals or rumors or the side looks and secret stares some people were throwing their way; they were engrossed at and with each other, trying to make up for the loss time, trying to live by the moment.
Both knew what was needed to be done but neither of the two made the move. She already know what she wanted but she's just too chicken to step forward, while he, who's been so sure since the beginning, was aiming for the sky and he won't settle for anything less. What they didn't know is that, they were already given three chances to make it real, to live their love, to fulfill their dreams. Will it take a hundred before they can take the plunge?
**********
SS501's Asian concert tour was finally over and their next mini-album is soon to come out, it was five months of hectic schedules, flying back and forth, running around, practicing until dawn, sleepless nights and days of unrest, though he can't deny the adrenalin that he feels while performing, the thought that he and the rest of the group can now breath and live at a normal pace makes him more than just thankful. And now that he has some time to himself, the possibility of seeing her is not that bleak anymore.
They have a scheduled fan signing event in Busan and he decided to go there earlier as not much activities for the group is planned yet and a day or two to himself is definitely what he needs, to clear his mind and pacify his heart. He has been trying to contact her, to have tea or coffee, to eat out, to hang out, anything, he's even willing to look at her from afar if that's the only way he can see her, but to no avail. One of their road managers accompany him and they are shock to find a number of fans near the villa where they will be staying, but to his relief, those fan girls aren't his, they are waiting for Junjin of Shinhwa.
He is about to drift off to dreamland when his manager barge in inside his room, he overhears a few of the villa caretakers talking about Junjin, taking a couple days off from the military to spend some quality time with his best-girl-friend. He was instantly on his feet, everyone knows who that girl is and though he's a little bit jealous and irritated that they are on a retreat and staying at the same house, he's very thankful that their fates look forever cross. A chance to see her, to talk to her, to be with her, in a place where no one will bother them, now all he has to do is to make it happen.
And make it happen he did, the best friends are having their morning walk when he pretended to run into them, the older idol is courteous enough to give them some privacy. She was a bit flustered to find him there but his happiness in seeing her worked as a balm to calm her. They walk at a slow pace, savoring every bit of time that they are together, they both know that sooner than later they will part ways without knowing when or where they will see other again. They talk about everything except for the one thing that both of them wanted, she's still a fraidy-cat, scared of any consequences her words might cause, and he's still trying to conquer the world so he can give it to her, not that the world matter to her and the consequences matter to him. If they only knew...
They have a scheduled fan signing event in Busan and he decided to go there earlier as not much activities for the group is planned yet and a day or two to himself is definitely what he needs, to clear his mind and pacify his heart. He has been trying to contact her, to have tea or coffee, to eat out, to hang out, anything, he's even willing to look at her from afar if that's the only way he can see her, but to no avail. One of their road managers accompany him and they are shock to find a number of fans near the villa where they will be staying, but to his relief, those fan girls aren't his, they are waiting for Junjin of Shinhwa.
He is about to drift off to dreamland when his manager barge in inside his room, he overhears a few of the villa caretakers talking about Junjin, taking a couple days off from the military to spend some quality time with his best-girl-friend. He was instantly on his feet, everyone knows who that girl is and though he's a little bit jealous and irritated that they are on a retreat and staying at the same house, he's very thankful that their fates look forever cross. A chance to see her, to talk to her, to be with her, in a place where no one will bother them, now all he has to do is to make it happen.
And make it happen he did, the best friends are having their morning walk when he pretended to run into them, the older idol is courteous enough to give them some privacy. She was a bit flustered to find him there but his happiness in seeing her worked as a balm to calm her. They walk at a slow pace, savoring every bit of time that they are together, they both know that sooner than later they will part ways without knowing when or where they will see other again. They talk about everything except for the one thing that both of them wanted, she's still a fraidy-cat, scared of any consequences her words might cause, and he's still trying to conquer the world so he can give it to her, not that the world matter to her and the consequences matter to him. If they only knew...
**********
Another six months had passed, his newest drama bombed on the ratings department in Korea but it had gotten explosive reviews from the international audience, so it was a fair deal. He was even interviewed by CNN because of the tremendous success of their venture in You Tube, he was chosen as the Korean representative to the Asian Games and that was, actually, the bestest offer he had ever gotten because he was able to go to Beijing without much of a fuzz and trailed secretly to Macau where she was having a photoshoot with Star Hwabo. He'll be a liar if he will say that he wasn't affected by the theme of the pictorial, she was like showing everything she got and just thinking of all the other men who will drool on the photos aside from the photographer and magazine staff whose eyes seemed to be popping out just makes his blood boil. But what can he do, she's not his yet to control nor it is her fault that she looks like a goddess, if Hera was of this time, he bet she'll throw a jealous fit, that's how exquisite she is.
She was able to sneaked out wit him, they had dinner together, after the longest time. They chose that famous Italian restaurant in Venetian Hotel, unknown to most, they both share a love for pasta, that's one thing he'll forever share with her. They dine like a normal couple would, they drank wine, they toast for their health and prosperity, they talked about their lives and careers and the path both of them wish to take, they actually look like a real couple, it's just that deep inside they both knew that they are not.
What are they exactly, friends, but friends keep in contact with each other unlike them who popped in and out of each others life like magic; acquaintance, colleagues, but either of the two won't drop everything their doing just to spend a few hours with each other; they are in a relationship limbo, they had been there for more than two years now, when will they cross the line to have a luminous definition of what they are, only the two of them knows.
And so, for the fifth time, they missed their chance and went their separate ways.
She was able to sneaked out wit him, they had dinner together, after the longest time. They chose that famous Italian restaurant in Venetian Hotel, unknown to most, they both share a love for pasta, that's one thing he'll forever share with her. They dine like a normal couple would, they drank wine, they toast for their health and prosperity, they talked about their lives and careers and the path both of them wish to take, they actually look like a real couple, it's just that deep inside they both knew that they are not.
What are they exactly, friends, but friends keep in contact with each other unlike them who popped in and out of each others life like magic; acquaintance, colleagues, but either of the two won't drop everything their doing just to spend a few hours with each other; they are in a relationship limbo, they had been there for more than two years now, when will they cross the line to have a luminous definition of what they are, only the two of them knows.
And so, for the fifth time, they missed their chance and went their separate ways.
**********
Finally, after half a year of hardwork and perseverance, his first solo album is done. He plans to release it on his birth month, as a sort of gift to himself and to his fans. Working on his solo album was like finding and picking needles on a hay stack, that's how arduous and laborious it was. He wasn't able to do much in between as he wanted to focus and give his all on that one, it's his first and he aimed for the best, now he just hope to get the recognition his album deserves.
More than the fame and the status quo of being a successful singer, he wanted his album to succeed because after that, he is done. His dream of a great future is already at hand, the album will just seal it and then he can pursue his greatest dream, he can now confess to the woman he loves and he can now offer the world to her feet. A few more steps is all that he needs, and the waiting will then be over and the two of them can have their happy ever after.
A music video has to be release side by side his first single, so he is now flying aboard a chartered plane to shoot his MV in one of the remote islands of Hawaii. Everyone is excited, it is a gorgeous place and the view is beyond awesome, they all wanted to land and get the job done and be free to do their individual thing, the men, as usual, wants to eye some local girls and the women, wants to get, at least, a tan, he, he just wants everything to go perfect, so he can pursue his own happiness.
But then fate has other plans, it looks like Kim Hyun Joong has run out of chances.
The loud chit-chats were put to a halt when a fire broke out in one of the plane's wing, one of the engine malfunctioned and though the pilot did everything he can to regain control, it just didn't sufficed. "This is your pilot speaking, we're now flying with just one engine and though we are doing everything we can to land safely, you all have to brace yourselves. May God be with us."
A few minutes after, sounds of screeching metal and yells of pain and fear were all that can be heard. One man was stoic, trapped in his seat, blood gushing on his head, but though he is in immense pain, he couldn't care less as all he can think about was her, "Is this the end, is this how it will end? I haven't even told her that I love her, that I have been in love with her for the longest time and that everything that I am doing is for her and for the future that I want us to have. Now I won't have the chance..."
More than the fame and the status quo of being a successful singer, he wanted his album to succeed because after that, he is done. His dream of a great future is already at hand, the album will just seal it and then he can pursue his greatest dream, he can now confess to the woman he loves and he can now offer the world to her feet. A few more steps is all that he needs, and the waiting will then be over and the two of them can have their happy ever after.
A music video has to be release side by side his first single, so he is now flying aboard a chartered plane to shoot his MV in one of the remote islands of Hawaii. Everyone is excited, it is a gorgeous place and the view is beyond awesome, they all wanted to land and get the job done and be free to do their individual thing, the men, as usual, wants to eye some local girls and the women, wants to get, at least, a tan, he, he just wants everything to go perfect, so he can pursue his own happiness.
But then fate has other plans, it looks like Kim Hyun Joong has run out of chances.
The loud chit-chats were put to a halt when a fire broke out in one of the plane's wing, one of the engine malfunctioned and though the pilot did everything he can to regain control, it just didn't sufficed. "This is your pilot speaking, we're now flying with just one engine and though we are doing everything we can to land safely, you all have to brace yourselves. May God be with us."
A few minutes after, sounds of screeching metal and yells of pain and fear were all that can be heard. One man was stoic, trapped in his seat, blood gushing on his head, but though he is in immense pain, he couldn't care less as all he can think about was her, "Is this the end, is this how it will end? I haven't even told her that I love her, that I have been in love with her for the longest time and that everything that I am doing is for her and for the future that I want us to have. Now I won't have the chance..."
**********
Hwangbo Hye Jung went to the funeral dressed in black, showing no emotions, hiding her eyes behind her dark glasses, her trusted friends beside her, secretly bracing her as the truth was, she was dying in pain, but what's more painful was the fact that she can't show what she feels as she doesn't have the right to, she freaking have no right to feel that way, for in the eyes of most they never had a bond... of whatever kind.
She paid her respects to his family and she almost breakdown when his mom crashed her in a tight embrace telling her that she is so happy to finally meet her in person, the woman who made his son a man, a man who felt love, a man who dreamt well, a man that she is proud of. She couldn't control it, a tear fell and another and another, and she hugged the woman who gave birth to him, and they both weep, they mourn the man who they both love and loss.
She came, decided that she will send him away with a smile so that he wouldn't be burdened by her heavy heart but she can't help it, her tears won't stop flowing, her heart won't stop aching. But as she is the one who was left behind, she had to be stronger, "This time, I really have to let you go, you have given me no choice," she sighed. "Annyeoung, Kim Hyun Joong-sshi, till we meet again."
And she cried, she cried her heart out with a promise that it will be the last.
She paid her respects to his family and she almost breakdown when his mom crashed her in a tight embrace telling her that she is so happy to finally meet her in person, the woman who made his son a man, a man who felt love, a man who dreamt well, a man that she is proud of. She couldn't control it, a tear fell and another and another, and she hugged the woman who gave birth to him, and they both weep, they mourn the man who they both love and loss.
She came, decided that she will send him away with a smile so that he wouldn't be burdened by her heavy heart but she can't help it, her tears won't stop flowing, her heart won't stop aching. But as she is the one who was left behind, she had to be stronger, "This time, I really have to let you go, you have given me no choice," she sighed. "Annyeoung, Kim Hyun Joong-sshi, till we meet again."
And she cried, she cried her heart out with a promise that it will be the last.
**********
Epilogue
True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you. - Author UnknownHis album was released a month after he was laid to rest, it was an instant hit, breaking all music and chart records, hitting the platinum mark in just two weeks, it was everything Kim Hyun Joong dreamed of, it was a success.
The master copy of the album together with the original CD jacket was sent to her, it was his plan when he's still alive and his friends made sure that it was done.
The dedication on his album read -
Dearest Hwangbo Hye Jung,
I have never met a woman quite like you, when I look at you, I see an angel, when I touch your skin, I feel this warmth that no one else have, when I had the privilege to kiss you, I felt my heart beating like it had never done before, when I look in your eyes, I see a future only you can give me. I love you!
A tear fell, she wiped it dry, she smiled against the pain, "And I love you, Shillang, I always will."
The master copy of the album together with the original CD jacket was sent to her, it was his plan when he's still alive and his friends made sure that it was done.
The dedication on his album read -
Dearest Hwangbo Hye Jung,
I have never met a woman quite like you, when I look at you, I see an angel, when I touch your skin, I feel this warmth that no one else have, when I had the privilege to kiss you, I felt my heart beating like it had never done before, when I look in your eyes, I see a future only you can give me. I love you!
A tear fell, she wiped it dry, she smiled against the pain, "And I love you, Shillang, I always will."
***** THE END *****
Note: This piece wasn't done in one sitting, you may have noticed some differences in the way it was written, it convey different feelings, the use of the past and present and even the grammar varies; I'm having a schizophrenia episode thus this piece came out like so and I'm not in the mood to edit. It was just a case of wrong timing, the plot of Chances played in my head just when I'm having my random crazy attack. Just deal okay, let's just deal with what life is shoving at us. Oh yeah, if you're feeling weird about this note, my apologies.
Aw~ ate... what an ending?
ReplyDeleteBut i lurve it thanks for sharing....
sana sa susunod masaya naman =)
-kat
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! don't like it!! killing HJ is
ReplyDeletetoo much!!
clap clap clap....ganda ng story...you started it by combining actual nangyari and added fiction na....so sad that they missed so any chances to profess their love for each other until they run out of chances...but im glad that he was still able to let her know through a dedication in the original album that was given to HB that he LOVES her.
ReplyDeletethe part where HJ omma hugged Hwangbo and thanked her is sooo sad.
THANKS Pink for the update...it maybe a sad one but hey its just fiction and a product of your awesome imagination and moods.
Ate Sue
that was soooo sad! i totally got teary when HB and HJ's mom hugged *sniff sniff*
ReplyDeletewhy do you have to do this?.. huhuhu.. HJ died..i went through the same experience although in my case he's not yet dead.. i just dont know where he is now... it really hurts.. living in the world of what might have been .. thinking that you should have taken the chance.. hay =(.. another great fic...
ReplyDeletepurple chagi (with a broken heart hehehe)
Maybe he survived the plane crash. Maybe he's stranded in an island somewhere! Shillang has a very strong will to live and to conquer his dreams! I think a little plane crash not gonna put an end to it all!
ReplyDelete(sorry, it's my joongbo heart talking)
sad but an awesome piece! Thanks!
aw, dedicated to me~ it's been a long time since someone did things like this. what can i say?! it was the saddest, depression-inducing, melancholic fic i've read for the longest time! ate, congratulations! you just gave me a full blown major depression! haha
ReplyDeletekidding aside, i like how this fic is realistic! been saying, "aww, baka ganito nga talaga nangyari..." especially the first time they've seen each other after BOF. you gave justice to this, just like you did your other fics. i wish i could make realistic fics like yours! i was sighing (in a positively depressed way, lol!) after reading this.
te, beyond joongbo, this one did make me think of other things, like all the chances we waste and time we spend not doing anything worthwhile. and how short life really is. hays! we could be gone any moment without doing the things we're here for. *sniffs*
me and my oversensitive days. pwahaha! teka, sabi mo bawi ka sa tragedy ng R&J!? bat tragic din toohhh?! i love you ate! isa pang tragic fic please! haha
*about the letting go, dbnasifllefdhkeuifaKJDGWE gahd, my bestfriend told me the exact same thing! you two can't be reincarnates!?
AHHHHHCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
ReplyDelete"I haven't even told her that I love her, that I have been in love with her for the longest time...."
Naiyak ako.
*LUKSA MODE*
Pero ang gnda nung mga first parts..the pacing, the inclusion of some facts.. WINNER. (EXCEPT DUN SA ENDING) Pwede bng ibahin naten...kunyare bumangon c HJ buhay sya!!! BUHAAAAAAY! HAHA
Lab,
Bebe <3
thanks for reading and commenting, sorry for making everyone sad, if it's any consolation, I shed a small bucket, uhm, a water dipper of tears while writing this one, i kinda brokedown when HJ's omma hugged HB and they weep together, that was the turning point for me. Don't worry, it'll take a while before I'll write something as tragic as this, it bothers me too, hehe.
ReplyDeletepero the comments na ginawang immortal si HJ, hahaha, you made me grin from ear to ear, positive thinking until the end :)
again, thanks peeps!
wow this is an amazing piece of work......and lol ......like eelehcar maybe they found the wrong person LOL....let me live in my denial world
ReplyDeletebye
kudos 2 u
ryuuki
thanks ryuuki!
ReplyDelete